what came first, depression or addiction?????

Maaan .I had each and every one what you said..Sometimes I felt it all together and felt completely crazy.You managed to say how you feel in words and that's really an acomplish.

The rage/anger dissapeared in about 15 to 20 days completely .
 
Depression the same . A few signs of depression left dissapeared a few days later .

Always thinking that i had a mental illness dissapeared pretty quick . What remained for a couple of weeks was the thought in words . I did not believe it or got anxious about it but i had the thought in words.For example I was thinking "I have cancer " but it meant nothing for me because I knew  it was the remains of getting high.

The same with negative thinking . I had negative thoughts for a few weeks but they did not make me anxious neither did I belive them because I realizes that they were remains of getting high .LISTEN:That's what weed does . It makes the thoughts really tense .It's  like they burn your brain with a thought like they burn the animals with burning iron . Like you can feel the words . And if you smoke everyday you have tense thoughts everyday . And that makes you tired . .

 The thought of death left too . Sometimes I go think about my family and that someday they will die but I pass by that real quick .It's like I can control my mind.

Self esteem issues  : I have very very few left and I had a lot of those . When all the nerves , anger and rage dissapeares you calm down and you see things calmly.

Anxiety : : :Big subject :::Listen carefully: . Weed makes everything move slower .You see things slower .In slow motion. You can  notice every little move of a facial expression in the other's face. That makes you think that you understand completely how the other feels.(that can lead to thinking that you read other's people minds). Vice Versa now . Since you thought this above you feel the same . That the other can understand exactly how you feel and that if you think or feel something bad (even if you don't want to) the other can feel it through. And that makes you anxious.(P.S. Maybe all this was just me - I felt good I wrote it though) . It goes away!!

Anyway I suggest you drink  a lot of water . eat fresh fruits  and swim to the sea .If there is  one near you . L O V E

I like ur story man ur such an honest guy

God Bless keep up the great work its so true about the anxiety thing.

thank you guys,,,,you inspire me to keep it going....thanks for taking your time out to lend a hand....i haven't smoked....im almost 2 days in in approx. 8 hours (sad, i even count hours sometimes).....i will stay strong and ride it out....im really depressed....im so anxious, i feel like i need to get everything done and i always feel that I'm overwhelmed chasing to perfect every aspect of my life whether its cleaning my house, getting all my work done and customers logged in, cleaning truck, being slim & obsessed with eating healthy, over-organizing all my belongings, it just drives me nuts....i have friends that are complete all around carless slobs and they are so laid back and could care less about stuff ( i actually get jellous of their lack of concern) when I'm the complete opposite and i obsess over perfection whether it my music, my appearance, how much money i have, my wifes weight,,,,,,i don't know......guess we all have problems and we are all different but the similarities with this weed addiction are so damn close...i chased $ all my life cuz my dad told me id be nothing if i didn't make allot of money, everything was money to my family......so 6 years ago i opened a business and now i make crazy $ finally and it don't mean shit to me now,,,,i always thought id be happy with $, i just bought a brand new truck and a house with my wife on a lake and I'm more miserable now (please believe I'm not bragging, just being honest that it don't mean shit).......i need to work on the inside of myself, not the exterior appearance hidden behind material objects......weed masked all this.........its so weird....i know people that are broke as hell that have so much corisma and seem so comfortable in their skin with high self esteem,,,,,,,and then theres me, movado watches, new vehicles, blowing money on vacations, etc......and I'm so uncomfortable with myself......wtf is wrong with this picture???..thank god i never god hooked on pain killers, id be dead by now.....i had a little run in with them in the past and i loved the feeling they gave me but its time for me or us to get that natural high that life can offer through hard work and dedication to do the right thing...noone ever said it was going to be easy right? haha..good night friends.....god bless 

Heyyy,   I quit counting days when I was 3 months sober . As for now , I remember the date I quit smoking , 09 September , and I just calculate if someone asks me. I stopped counting . I am sure that when I will get to be one year sober , I will get to say "I quit weed for ever" without saying "I am sober for that long " . I say that now also , that I quit it for ever , but it makes me feel good when I say that I am 4 + 1/2  months sober . It just makes me fool so good . I bet after a few months that will go away and we all people will even stop talking about weed and will be talking about other things and move on with our lives . By the way , half of the steps of moving on and getin everything done is the first step - just quitting . All the rest , even if you cannot imagine that now  , comes in order without you really trying to do anything . They just come in order . You just have to have in mind the other half steps . The second one . Getting used to your sober self . When I was at the first days of quitting I was like "Maan , time passes so slowly when you are not smoking weed " and  "I am soo bored " , etch , but worry not , all the boredom goes away . Also , all the anxiety about if you are gonna be really well and if you are gonna gain your real natural energy back and all that really goes away  , day by day .Remember you 've got to get through the process of getting used to your sober self . After all these years it is natural to get anxious about it because you start wondering  " And what if I don't get back to be the real me? " , "And what if I have these bad thoughts for ever " ,and stuff like that but all that go away and completely dissapear in the long run .
L O V E   A N D   H A P P I  N E S S          -       S T A  Y     D E T  E R M I  N E D